One of the most difficult things for all the performers I know is dealing with the reality of self-criticism. As a performer your body is on the line, every day. Everything that you do with your body (which is everything you do while on this earth) affects your ability to do your art. Your recreation, your diet, your sleeping habits, your grooming, all of it shows when you step out on the stage.
Today I am starting to add a new workout regimen to help boost my calorie-burning activities. It was suggested by the lovely and fit Brigit who I met in Seattle and is a personal trainer as well as a dancer and aerialist. In order to inspire myself and track my progress I took a "before" picture of myself in my underwear, bad lighting, no makeup, no sexy pose, just my body.
Granted, I work out like crazy already and I know I am already in decent shape, but that is where the conundrum lies. When am I good enough? When can I stop looking critically at my curves and be contented?
Truth is I'm not sure. I am starting to suspect that the answer is simultaneously now and never. As performers we have to love and accept ourselves as we are just this moment or the industry, the constant judgement and rejection, the competition will grind us into the ground. On the other hand, we will never be the perfect creature we can imagine in our minds and we must, must, must keep striving for that goal even though we know it is unattainable in any sustainable way. Those fleeting brushes with the divine are what keep us going.
So, I look at my body and think that it isn't so bad, but it will be better.
